Nice reading this week

2nd week reading English 51 Section 1240 Leonard Horne 9-15-09

Of all the story’s I've read this week, the best one in my opinion was Michael Fernigan. He covered a lot of detail. He talked about lots of places and the things he was doing. The only thing was that his subject was only in the last two paragraphs. Monique was very good to, but not so much detail. Jordan had a very short story but it was on spot with school and all.

Back to School/Michael Fernigan

Great blog post, touching and all in the first paragraph with the plaque with Braille engraving. It has some good descriptions of his trips to St. Petersburg, and Jacksonville. Good primary support with secondary support.

In paragraph six he interjects some of the five senses, sight, small, taste, touch and sound. When I write one of my main goals is to use the a lot. The more I’ve been reading the essays and short story’s I see the use being very effective.

When he starts school it is good detail that he uses with the contact with students, staff, and the mishaps that occur with logistics of school texts. The use of his dog is a good interjection.

When Students are Parents/Monique Rizer

The story from Monique is better than the first essay of this week. I don’t see the theses statement in the first sentence; in fact it isn’t in the first paragraph. I know this is an excerpt from a larger story, so that’s O.K... It is describing a class as I can see in my mind. Her description of young people, her not so hip, and without saying the age difference.

Good description of her life outside the college, with all the people living in a small trailer. How she had to move to get into a new environment. She getting married and completing what she needed to do.

Giving what motivated her in paragraph three, and what she has accomplished. Her son keeping her focuses on the goal, and what better life she would have making a better future for her child.

The part where she was able to do what her mother couldn’t do because her mother had to work to support the family. But she was glad that they could rely on her education to give her son a better life. In a way this all in one paragraph is changing from present to past since..

A Return to Education/Jordan Brown

This has a good thesis statement about the long road, and the expectations of success. It follows a organization in narration format.

The support in the second paragraph makes a good point about the transition from high school to life as an adult. The time after the Army, and to the job with the railroad tell of somewhat better times. He shows doubt as to his capabilities to accomplish what he thinks it would be like in college. Now it’s time to see what he can do.

When he first started his classes, everything became a lot better. He now sees that he can associate with the environment, and the people. In fact I get the impression he is very relieved as I would be also. Now that he is involves and doing what he really wanted to, he sees that he made the right choice. His friend and family are proud and supportive, and he has a great deal more confidence in his capabilities.

Overall a great story that is well written, and good story line. I would need to work hard to write this well. It fills in completely what his story is about in a very short essay.